I feel completely without words lately trying to explain what the Lord is doing. I have felt a burden that started out as small and easy to carry a few weeks ago turn into a monster that brought me to isolation and fear and pain. All day yesterday I was trying to prepare myself for my time at the Prayer Center and figure out what the Lord wanted me to do, what He wanted me to ask of Him, what He wanted me to break free from. I got there and for the first few minutes I felt terrified. I was alone, without distraction, just me and the Lord. And it only took me falling to my knees for all of the anger, hurt, fear, questions to come out. I cried with the Lord for an hour. Worshipped Him. Rested in His love. Cried with Him some more. It was the first time in about six months that it’s just been me and the Lord. Nothing else. And I felt this tender brokenness that you feel when you finally come home after being gone for awhile. I realized once again that I am a child of God. He is my Father, and He adores me more than anything. Fear and pain and confusion can be thrown at me, but He loves me, and that is more powerful than anything in this world.
February 2, 2009
Feb 1/08/09
What an awesome place to focus solely on prayer! Thank you for creating such a place as this. Totally loved being alone and feeling free to pray out loud and dance to my heart’s content. Released, refueled, refreshed. -G
August 15, 2008
What an incredible experience!! You have created a wonderful place for people to come and meet God on an intimate bases. Thank you for your commitment to God’s family!!! -Russell & Anita DeShields
August 15, 2008
From E. I have walked with God a long time now, but over the past year have allowed work schedules and other activities to fill time I should be spending with Him. I welcomed the opportunity to intentionally spend just an hour with Him at 24/7. I knew it would be the impetus I needed to draw close again.
I went first to the Community Room where brothers & sisters had laid out their prayer requests. I was led to pray for a person who wrote, “I desire drinking, smoking & partying more than I desire God. I need to find myself in Christ.” I felt a kindred spirit with this person. While those are no longer the activities that keep me from Him, I know what it’s like to have other gods in His place.
Going into the cubicle adjacent to the Community Room, I enjoyed sitting in the comfortable chair, listening to the music & praying for God to reveal Himself to me. I picked up a poem entitled “Incarnation Meditation.” The first word is “Emmanuel” – God with us. Then, I noticed that the word “Intimacy” was written on the wall in chalk. I began to feel that God was drawing near.
I spent time in the “Surrender” alcove, asking for His forgiveness and pledging again to place my life solely in His hands. From there, He led me to the “Communion” cubicle where I was overwhelmed with how near He felt & remembrance of how much He endured for me. My eyes fell on the two placards balanced on the candlesticks. One says, “You are my beloved and in you my soul is well pleased.” The other says, “I want to be with you always. Will you let Me?” Gently & lovingly, my Father was affirming how much He longs for the closeness I’ve denied Him. I was drawn out to the music & compelling words of “Consuming Fire” filling the space with acknowledgement of the presence of the Holy Spirit. Back in the “Intimacy” cubicle, I noticed a copy of Richard Foster’s “Celebration of Discipline.” God was reminding me of how I can return to my first love.
I felt He was asking me to create a place in our home where my husband & I can step out of our busy lives & into God’s space. Of course, He is everywhere, but dedicating a place where we can meet Him – one we share only with Him – seems to be something He’s asking of me. I think He wants to give us a special, reverent experience there that will be anticipated & cherished.
I was hesitant to leave that morning, so I made some notes with paper & pencil I noticed in the cubicle. It was so thoughtful of God to inspire someone to put them there. Being a writer, I feel disconnected from my thoughts if I can’t jot them down. Now, I reread my notes & re-enter that time with God. The words inspire me to reach out for Him again, knowing through faith that He’s waiting there. -E
August 15, 2008
had my time at the center today from 12-1 pm. It was such a delight to sneak away from the rest of the world at what is generally a busy, crowded hour, and retreat to an almost womb-like safe place and experience God in a personal, yet not necessarily private way.
One of the verses I read in preparation for my prayer time was Hebrews 4:16 – So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. That image of entering into a throne room stuck with me. I started thinking that I often approach God as A king, but do I really approach him as MY king, and what are the differences between those two? I thought about how a person might greet a foreign dignitary. You’d recognize their authority in their own land, among their own people, but you’d be mindful of the fact that they don’t really have any authority over you. You should treat them with respect, as their title and position deserve, but they can’t do anything to you if you don’t, so it’s really just a courtesy. When greeting your own king, however, I can imagine it would (should) be quite different. You bow as a symbol of your submission to his authority. Your king can give you things or take things away from you, because he is ruler over everything in your world. Your king has the ability and authority to have a direct impact on your life, therefore your acknowledgment of him is quite different than that of just “some king.”
I realized that in my times of confusion and unbelief and rebellion (which are way more often than I’d ever like to admit), I still recognize God as A king, but my arrogance stops me there. I often miss out on the amazing grace that is being called and allowed into the throne room of MY king. Once I repented and submitted to God as MY personal king, I very clearly heard him say “Follow hard after me, and I will bless each step you take.” “Follow hard” became a repeated refrain…a command and a plea from my king.
It was truly a beautiful time and I look forward to hearing about others’ experiences and seeing what God will do with Renovatus on the other side of this week!
Michelle
August 15, 2008
From Anonymous: Began the journey along the road again; stopped a long while at repentance. Arose forgiven, then journeyed to Gethsemane to lay down my will again. Communion is bittersweet. Danced out of gratitude for the Blood and thankfulness for the hope I have in Jesus. Intercession for those martyred and those who don’t yet know Him, both near and far. Confessed my nasty, dirty secrets; prayed for my brother’s too. Hoped someone would earnestly do the same for me, and the Lord will deliver me from the thing that has tripped me up too many times before along this journey. Prayed for Renovatus…and all things concerning us…the Lord’s will and purposes be accomplished through ordinary, unpretentious people loving people as Jesus loves us.
Shoeless…entered the sanctuary ready to bow down to worship. A piece of paper with a picture of a horse drawn on it caught my eye. Sat down and read the article by Bill Britton about being disciplined, trained, harnessed and well-cared for by the Master. The thing that struck me the most was the quiet assuredness of the harnessed horses, perfectly still waiting for the Master’s voice; not making any move in the midst of circumstances or enticements unless He said so. Even when other Christians make accusations. It is clear that no one else necessarily has to understand; the important thing is to listen for the Master’s voice and obey his commands. This is not new to me, but in that moment I realized I had a choice AGAIN to stay in the corral He’s put me in and then submit to discipline and training there, or allow rebellion in my heart to cause me to jump the fence to run “free!” He won’t stop me. He’ll let me go. The choice is mine.
Again, He’s offering me the chance to dance with Him. He’s the Composer, the Leader and the Choreographer. I’m the follower. It doesn’t have to be so hard, if I’ll stop trying to get Him to do it my way. Yes, I’d definitely lost sight of whose trip I was on. It’s HIS and I’m on board.
It takes understanding to submit to God’s will and courage to walk by faith. I must consider Him completely trustworthy; especially when it hurts. Prayed earnestly for the courage to enter into a new level of discipline and training, and for the grace not to slip back into unruly complacency and rebellion. Prayed for courage to stay submitted and committed.
Is only one hour ever truly enough? The time goes by so quickly; seems we just got started and already I must return to the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Lord, I’m so glad that You’re with me wherever I go. These times together in this sacred place are so precious to me and I long for more quiet time alone with You. Again, thank You for this opportunity and for this meeting place. AMEN
f prayer wasn’t new to me. I’ve done prayer “marathons” before. Jonathan was somewhat vague (in my mind anyway) about the whole thing. I did think some type of art would be involved. I thought we would be praying for Renovatus and the cityAugust 15, 2008
From Anonymous: First off, I had to ask God to forgive me for making the time more of a burden then it actually was. I made prayer out to be something that I can do anywhere. Why do I have to go 30 minutes from my house at crazy early in the morning? Then as soon as I walked in the building, God reminded me of how he met me more then half way to redeem me, and how going to 24/7 was not the point, it was being a part of the body and community to reach out to Him for something more. Yes we need to pray and seek on our own time during the week in the places we are. How much more of an impact is it when we can get together as a people and pray for more.
The blessing from being at 24/7 was the fact that I did not have to say anything to Him, unlike my time everywhere else when He can’t get a word in otherwise, I could walk and listen to the Spirit of God and just let Him minister to me in the quiet. He spoke to me in so many different ways, a Nooma Video “Rain” actually, an article that was laying on an ottoman about the Masters Discipline (great perspective of maturing in the faith), but most of all the table of anonymous prayer requests. I followed the directions and filled mine out and prayed for only one. That simple act of stepping out of my life to seek God for someone else has shown me that we are a hurting people in need of a Father. He really spoke to me and softened a calloused heart. I am rambling, but I can not express how amazing my experience was and I plan to make the visits to 24/7 regularly. My wife is going Saturday and I am excited for her to experience something new. I am still praying for that one person, but also each and every person that crosses my mind. I have been staying away from the “me” prayer. God has done so much for “me” already. I want to see what He wants to happen in all of our lives as a people and a church. Thank you for providing the experience for my eyes and heart to be opened.
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From H: First thing I read on my journey was a post-it note that read “I forgive the
Hannibals”. Damn. That speaks. It’s very humbling to feel you are the filthiest object in the room. Thank
God for grace. My replacement didn’t show up. Like a dummy I followed the rules and called
the number for the staff, then prayed for whoever it was that didn’t come.
They missed out on so much. I should have just stayed another hour when it
was apparent they were a no show. Lisa lost some sleep because of me. I’m
sorry . I felt so cleansed. I am greedy for that feeling again.
August 15, 2008
My husband and I had our scheduled times Tuesday night from 7-8 and 8-9. We went in together, unsure of the set-up, but thinking that each of us could just read while we waited for the other. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the layout of the warehouse was so conducive to a number of individuals there at the same time, yet being able to be alone with God. I began by looking at each “station” and found the one I was drawn to was the one in the far right back, the “surrender” station. I started by listening to the CD, then reading the prophecy, having God speak to me about my own life and how I would surrender my life, only to take it back so many times. I was really struck by the idea that I was too much like one of those whom God wanted to use, but my own self-will kept me from bending to His Will for my life. I prayed, journaled and mostly “listened” for His Voice, an unusual thing for me. It was a conversation, not a dialogue. Thank you all whom participate in this wonderful ministry. It has made me want to find a special place in my own home where I can get alone with God and shut out the rest of the world for a period of time each day. God bless you and your families. In Christ, Cherri
From Rod: In my alone time with God yesterday He showed me that there are some folks out there that I really haven’t forgiven yet. My heart became tender. I asked that He would help me to quickly forgive. The time spent in the prayer chamber went by too fast. This time with God not only revealed to me how necessary it is to carve out significant time to meditate and have conversations with God, but also how easy it is.
August 15, 2008
My time at 24-7 was incredibly moving. God definitely showed up and met me there. The facility itself is AWESOME and AMAZING, it certainly helped me to connect with God in a way that I hadn’t in a LONG time. THANK YOU. God did speak to me, he said that he would strengthen me, that he would provide me with the ability to do his will. I asked him what he wanted me to do and he said he wanted me to take “baby steps” toward a huge destination. Initially I was puzzled by “baby steps.” He then defined baby steps for me by saying that for now he wanted me to become comfortable again with the basics, prayer and Bible study and that he would show me when and what to do next. I’m cool with that as I know before to “jump out of the boat” to walk on water…I have to first get in the boat. I haven’t even been in the boat with Jesus for a long time but I’m ready to get back in.
I do not wish to remain anonymous.
Thanks again,
LaShay Avery
August 15, 2008
From Nicole: My prayer time was from 6-7 a.m. on Tuesday morning and I was starving for the presence of God after a hard and busy season in my life. I was initially afraid in the space of the holiness, of the wonder there in the flickering lights and the music that made my mind alive with Christ. I skipped the stations. In fact, I spun in the center of the room for several minutes until He came and calmed me and sat me in His lap on a couch by the music. He stilled my anxiety, my quiet deep deep anxiety that isn’t even visible on the surface of who I am, and had me sit and rest. When I became immersed in Him, in His loving kindness, I saw only a smile and love on His face. He hushed me and allowed me to fall apart on His shoulder. It was a homecoming, a bath, a shower. I knew that, until He breathed new life into me, into each of the members of His body one- by specific case -one, that there was no need to speak collectively. I lay still and allowed Him to uncover me, to dive into and behind a crunchy withering fig leaf’s attempt at beauty and to restore my soul. I was honest with Him about my fatigue and my initial intentions to be everyone’s saviour and burden bearer, to be the plow horse, the maid, and the servant to each person in my path and He said He would not allow it. My duty would be to rest in Him and nothing else. He had me pick up my pen and after I read aloud from Psalm 18 (thought I’d memorized all of that one until I came to the verse that broke open a flood of thanksgiving and love in my heart as I read aloud) which happened to be the exact word that pastor Roselyn spoke over me when she was here. Verse 18-19 “They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because He delighted in me.” Being aware of God’s love for me really is the only way to move further without needing crutches of some kind or another to define who I am.
August 15, 2008
From Becky: On Tuesday I had the opportunity to go for an hour to the prayer room and it was a beautiful time. I have known about 24-7 prayer for years now because of my time in YWAM (Youth With a Mission). When I found out there was a place in Charlotte, I always wanted to go but for one reason or another I never found the time. I wish I had found it sooner! But, with that said I walked in and immediately could feel the presence of God. I satrted crying before I coud even get a word of prayer out. I didn’t have the words at that time to speak so I started just worshiping the Lord. I could feel the power of the Holy Spirit in that room and it was convicting, and yet comforting all at the same time. I knew when I walked in that I had walked into a holy place. A place filled with prayers and tears. It was a sweet time with the Lord. The hour went by way too fast. I wanted to stay longer. Thank you 24-7 for allowing the opportunity for Renovatus to take over for a week of non-stop prayer!
Becky
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Last night B. and I had the 5-6 time slot. As soon as the door shut I felt as though we had stepped outside of the world and into something that was indescribable. We walked around the room first and took in the artwork, the smell, the sounds….and then we sat and prayed. Becky and I have been prayer partners for over a year now, so we are very comfortable with bearing our hearts in front of one another….but, it’s never gotten really “emotional” – I try to keep that in check because I always feel it can be disconcerting to the other person – they may not know what to say, etc. We had not even really started praying when we just began weeping. I had spent the better part of my afternoon writing down what I wanted to pray about and who to pray for – I found Scriptures to go with those specific things, but when I began to pray it seemed to change….I didn’t look at my book for the most part – the Lord was bringing to mind what I had written down, but I prayed for a lot of the items in different ways…. it was as though I was being peeled…there are some very painful and confusing things going on in both of our lives…and those things were pulled off our hearts as we confessed them – asked favor of them. I have never had 60 minutes go by so quickly….earlier I had been wondering what in the world would we do for an hour?
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August 15, 2008
From Angie: Tuesday 6-7pm: I have never been to the prayer room, so coming into the space was amazing! At first, I felt overwhelmed by all the possibilities of how I could connect with God. But after taking a short tour, and thinking about how I could best use my hour, I felt strongly about being silent, and listening. I’m not the best listener, I always have time to talk, and enjoy noise constantly. To be silent is extremely difficult for me. But this space provided a perfect place for me to practice hearing God, and not myself. I ended up laying down, right where I stood, not sure why, but eager to be obedient.
I immediately saw a picture, of my head on God’s chest, hearing and feeling his heart beat below me, through the cold concrete floor. I listened, and heard God speak. He spoke many things to me, as long as I was silent, and chose to listen. My desire to know Him intimately grew tremendously on that floor. I realized that to know and hear God’s heart, I must give myself space to hear it. He is willing to share it, to be vulnerable and allow me (ME!) to hear it, feel it, and give my heart the opportunity to beat with it, measure for measure.
I also heard that if I start to feel distracted, and start thinking about…well, everything else…that I should picture myself opening the curtain to the holy of holies, and running in to be with my Lord. The presence of God is always with me, but I need to be trained to press in, to open those curtains and walk into that intimacy that He longs for even more than I do! What an amazing God we serve!
From Travis: Iam on my BB so it will be limited. This was a true blessing and honestly it was directed at just the right point in my life thanks be to god.the lord was truly in that place and the 2 hours I had with the lord opened my worship and gave me more of a direction with my prayer time with Jesus.
August 15, 2008
Dear 24-7,
I enjoyed the time I spent at 24-7 Monday morning. My time really started when I got in the car, I didn’t waste anytime, plunging into the Lord. I felt such an ease when I got there. Honesty, gut honesty, is what I experienced during my time. I also took a good look at myself, my fears, my frustrations, and some pain that has had to come up so it can be healed. I felt a freedom. The words just kept flowing off my tongue…I just submitted myself to Him and He was faithful to show me how to pray and who to pray for. God is so good and faithful. He always shows up.
I am a mother of 5 so quiet time is not very practical BUT I realized how important that that time is for me as a mom, wife, disciple and a person. It was a nice little get a way….The hour went by really fast and then the people that were scheduled after me came right on time!
Go team Renovatus!!!
Thank you…I know those words seem to not even touch the surface of all you have poured out and all that you have seen the Lord do through the vision of 24-7…but words is what I have and know, so thank you so very much.
Stephanie Renner
August 15, 2008
My time in the 24/7 prayer facility was both sweet and a little bit difficult. Sweet because that place is so peaceful and the 
presence of the Lord is just there! in a real, quiet, but undeniable way! Jess is right- an hour was not enough time! i could go back often!
The Lord definitely met me there. I have told several people- i got stuck at the forgiveness booth, which is like one of the first ones! The Lord has been working in me for all of 2008 on this subject. It keeps coming back in my life, and my time with the Lord there brought some movement forward in that area. I am encouraged and yet provoked by that part of the experience. It is hard to just give up that thing that I am holding on to, and just live in the freedom of forgiveness- from the Lord, for myself, and for others.
It was also really special for David and I to take communion together in that little booth. We squished in there, staring at ourselves in that mirror, and taking the elements of the Lord’s supper. it was just this raw, intimate experience that i will cherish.
David really opened up with me about some things that are happening in his life spiritually and we had that space for him to share with me and for us to pray together, which is not something that we take the time to do very often (sadly so).
I know the Lord met us, as He has done on so many occasions, but to be so purposeful about meeting Him in that place made it just really effective. I am so excited to hear the stories of what the Lord has done in our community as a whole!
August 15, 2008
From Jess:
hey there!
how awesome was that room – it was not at all what i imagined – jay and i both had a sweet time there on monday night – i really loved being so intentional with the process of prayer – the way they had it setup in the different booths – an hour was nowhere near long enough though…being in God’s presence while worshipping and praying, i wanted to stay for hours upon hours…jay and i were talking afterwards and think we will probably be frequenting that place more often…
my outlook on the world around me and my life from day to day is being transformed – its been happening for some time now, but slowly as i carelessly allow the day to day junk slow me down – but I know that God is molding me right now…really showing what is important and what isn’t and helping me to give up the things that arent and move closer to the things that are…
August 14, 2008
From A: To be honest, I felt really overwhelmed when I first went in. I have
sort of a “divide and conquer” approach to life, so I immediately
felt that I wasn’t up the task of visiting all the stations and
appropriately engaging each prompt. I got the same sick feeling I
sometimes get in shopping malls or large thrift stores. But as I
lingered at the site map, I felt the Holy Spirit tell to just chill
and wander. I would know what I was supposed to do. So I did. And I did.
After sticking my head into the first couple of stations, I landed
first in the anxiety/seeking advice station. As soon as I sat down
and started to be still, all of the anxieties and disappointments
that had been lurking just under the surface of my spiritual surface
came bubbling up. I felt bitter tears spring from my eyes and I
sobbed like I haven’t in months. I really hadn’t “released” anything
but I was starting to feel better, and I moved on to “the call”
station. After the pages on the wall about understanding the things
God has called ALL believers to, I felt God move me to journal. The
following is a bit of it -
“Tears are rain to the soul for the nourishment of the fruit of the
spirit. A life marked by God is a life drenched in tears . . .
Part of the sickening superficiality in our existence is our
refusal to allow God to love us as we are. We don’t, I don’t, want to
let Him love and use me as I am because I’m not sure His love is
going to give me what I want. I still don’t really trust. For
example, if I don’t like what I look like right now, or what I have
right now, I don’t want God to accept it because that means I have to
accept it. If He loves me just as I am that means I have to love me
just as I am and I’m not ready to.
So like an embarrassed girl on her wedding night, we’re so
ashamed of who are, so unhappy and unsatisfied with what we’ve been
given, we’re afraid to come out and reveal ourselves, let ourselves
be loved. We prolong the power and transformation available in
intimacy with God, union with Him. We’re almost disgusted at Him for
loving us. If He loves us, we think, He must not be too bright. I can
almost hear the voice of the disciples – “Lord, don’t you know you
she is, what she’s doing? Don’t let her touch you! You’re too holy
for her!” Only the voice is me and the woman is at the same time. I
am both the accuser and accused of myself, the Samaritan woman who is
incredulous and suspicious that such a religion would put value and
trust in people like me, demanding perfection of myself and angry at
both God and myself when I can’t achieve it and am still loved.
Why does this love anger me? Because to accept this love is to
accept that it has nothing to do with my beauty, confidence,
abilities, intelligence. It is not affirming or validating of my
goals and dreams. And it’s a major shift in my way of thinking about
the world, too. It means that to be like Him, I have to stop valuing
people on those basis as well. I have to care as much about breaking
a promise to the mentally disabled as to the theology professor whose
approval I so desperately seek. I have to be as intentional about
conversation with people who have nothing to teach me as those I
could listen to all day. I have to invest in those that have nothing
to offer me in return. Oh, my flesh cries out against this!
God began to speak hard things to me during the covenant that
He has continued to stir: I depend too much on my own abilities. I
need to be quiet more. I need to be counted among the needy and the
weak.
So it’s more of the same, I guess. He’s still trying to get me
to accept His love in my weakness instead of pushing away and
wrestling against His embrace until I’m “worthy” of Him. If I don’t
believe He loves me in my imperfections, how can I, in honestly and
with a straight face, say that to anyone else. I am a liar. Well,
that’s a start.”
August 14, 2008
My friend Meghan Murray had a profound experience in prayer at 24-7 this week where God dealt with her very particularly about the ways He wants to heal and restore those within our church who are struggling with sexual addiction. I wept when she shared her vision with me, and immediately recognized what she shared as the voice of the Father. She composed a letter that encompassed what she felt God saying to our church. I have meditated on it today, and wanted to share it with you. Oh Renovatus, i see you.
August 14, 2008
Honestly, I went to my 24/7 prayer appointment to keep myself out of trouble. While standing in church the day that Jonathan asked people sign-up for their prayer hours, I thought to myself that I would wait until everyone had gone before me and if no one else took the first Sunday 5-6am shift, then I would go ahead and take it. I like to wait around for “signs” from God like that—I’m always testing the people I love in this manner. So, I waited. And, of course, no one else took the time. I remember kind of scurrying up to the paper hung on the wall, writing my information quickly, and then kind of scurrying away—shoulders slouched, eyes darting from side to side—like someone might catch me. I half-heartedly wrote my name in on the blank line drawn on what looked like grocery store brown bag paper. My reasoning in picking this particular “unholy” time slot was this: · I knew that I have only recently returned to my spirituality and my relationship with God and, therefore, was/am vulnerable and easily susceptible to being frightened away or discouraged. · I knew that I was working the Saturday night before and would be bartending until probably 4am. · I also knew that I was working with a girl who makes me anxious, a girl who likes to get drunk while working, though this is not the reason she makes me anxious. · I know that when I have this type of anxiety that I like to drink too much, while working or otherwise.
Thus, I thought it a good plan to have my prayer appointment waiting for me. I guess if I think about in the terms that the woman from 24/7 put it, that I had an appointment with God waiting for me. Funny…considering I usually think that I am waiting for God. Ultimately, the plan was successful. I did not get drunk at work, and the girl I worked with did not seem as threatening. I did have a glass of wine while cleaning up at closing time, but it came from a calmer place, not a frantic-make me feel better-place. However, it was weird telling people drunk at a bar that I was going to pray after I got off work, and I will admit that I was not so self-assured when I was telling them. When I would tell someone about praying, I would follow it with some sort of parenthetical statement that ensured my cool and suggested aloofness to the situation. But, all of this faded as soon as I was alone in the 24/7 prayer room.
As the girl who was there before me walked out the door, I placed my belongings on the coffee table. I had brought my Bible and a notebook just in case I ran out of stuff to do, not that I typically read my Bible when I’m bored; it just seemed like the right thing to do. Regardless, I did not touch either one again until it was time for me to leave. All I can say is that whatever it is that I feel is God was there…waiting for me. I pretty much began to cry immediately as I went from station to station, and, as per my usual, I also began to pull back almost as quickly. But, once I got to the station that suited me best (the journaling section), I reconnected. When I was a little girl I used to write letters to God when things were tough, which was on a pretty regular basis, so I decided to try it again. It felt good, and I felt little less scared.
Not everything in the 24/7 prayer room appealed to me, but I don’t think that is the point. Nor is the point the fact that my prayer appointment kept me out of trouble, albeit a good thing. What I find the most amazing about this experience is how I was able to feel something so beautifully strong and how I cut that feeling off oh so swiftly. In the past I’ve always wondered what happened to this feeling—what happened to God. Now, I think I tangibly know that God has not gone anywhere, that I am the one disappearing. I am the one disconnecting. And, I know that God is not the only one I disappear on. Though, I do believe that if I can keep connected to God, if I can stay in this relationship, then it will probably be a whole heck of a lot easier for me to stay connected in other relationships. I have also realized that I do not need some sort of magic spell or deep philosophical epiphany to happen in order for me to come back from wherever it is that I go…all I have to do is simply try again. I think of what Jonathan said a few weeks ago about Saints…all I have to do is keep showing up. Hence, I give this letter to you in an effort to be here.
Hello world! August 3, 2008
